he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
