well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
