his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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