I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
