dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
