So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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