Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
