Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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