I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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