and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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