Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
