Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
