i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
