HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
