I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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