R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
