I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
