i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
