so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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