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Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
