I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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