Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize