In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
