so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
