Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
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Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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