the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
