I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
