I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
