ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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