I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
