Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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