you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
