Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
