I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
