What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
