His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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