hell yes lets make some ravioli
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
