Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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