Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
