just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
