We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
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Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
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i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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