We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
