Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
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My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
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I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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