I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
