tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize