if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
