we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
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So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
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the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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