Kiss
Puke
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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