She is in my trunk
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
