I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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