so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
