just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
