I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
