I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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