you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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