I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
sick fucks of a feather flock together
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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