he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
