there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
