..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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