my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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