just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
